born serene oh but not old.
nicknamed the old one now.
i stress, i am not old.
i would prefer to be called, mature.

It's not a dream if it came true,
but we exist to dream.
Make a wish,
I'm your faithful genie that doesn't have much patience :)

Designer: lovebites
Image: monatheydidnt
Image Host: Tinypic
Image done in Photoshop CS2

today was hectic. haha. okay lah. not really. haha. had chem prac in the morning and ragu didnt come so we had to go and get our own experiment notes lah. took us about half an hour? hmm. hee. then there's no chinese lesson so heelaree and i went to do our geog mindmap, like last min. haha. we were supposed to be in groups of 4 lah. but end up only 2 of us left. power right? hhaha.

had gp after that. the guess what? geog finally arrived. oh nos. heelaree and i were so nervous can. cos everything was last min and we didnt like get our facts gathered and right yet lah. so rach's group presented followed by nic's. finally, we thought our deaths has arrived but guess what? darryl lim said there's only time for 2 groups so we are excused!! yayers. are we lucky or what? haha. we were so happy lah. ahaa. but now our minds are full of facts about cairo. oh nos. haha. so funny lah. haha.

had pe after that. woohoo. rach and i finally choreographed our boyband dance till the end of one chorus lah. so proud of ourselves. haha. and we played captain's ball. woohoo. it was girls vs guys at first. and if i'm not wrong girls won. haha. and then we played against another class. my gosh lah. the score was like 16-4? something like that. haha. we are good or what? but they thought we were really rough. hey, we wasn't okay. i thought we were like just nice? they are rather whinny lah. oh wells. who cares. they got rough in the end too. ahha. and this guy kept on like throwing us this look lah. whatever man. haha. then we went of tau huay after that. yayers. tau huay after pe rocks totally. like rocks my socks lah. haha.

went to np to look for dearest after that. yayers. time with her and jm rocks lah. so much fun. haha. and kfc is damn tempting can. i'm so gonna eat it again like soon. haha. oh wells. i love hugging dearest. so nice. nicest i've ever hugged these days lah. my classmates not nice to hug lah. hee. i love dearest lah. haha.
___________________________________________________________
ever wondered why straight people are acting les? hmm. hee. food for thought.
well well well. went for danceworks yesterday. with JO MICH GRACE!! yayers. i love you people. all the crapping and getting high over guys and all. haha. oh wells. our jojo is all grown up huh. hee. weng weng. ahhaa. i agree he is quite cute and gay. haha. i put it in this way. weng is not cute enough to be gay but gay enough to be cute. hee.

the time spent with you guys are so great and happy. all the pictures, which i got from our photo album, talking, crapping, playing with jo's hair, basking under the sun at the food court. even running around the place and tip-toeing to get a good view. hee. thanks for supporting sa. yups yup.

and grace ah, dont we just love the nyp dancers? haha. right jo? hee. all of them are not bad huh? just not as good as your weng though. hahhahahhaaha.

talking outside the esplanade was good. (i stress again, i cannot spell.) all the stuff about future husbands and all. haha. but we are les right? oh wells. hahaa. and we are giving jo a make over. yayers. haha. fun!!
_________________________________________________________________
went for never a sinner with clau on friday. i love it. yeah. it's so gay. haha. i'm like so into gays these days. haha. the time spent with clau is good. we were just walking and walking. from missing a stop to walking back to orchard. thank god that the night was really breezing. if not we will die from the walk. yeah.

saw mimi and ryan outside wisma. they looked happy. glad that they are enjoying themselves. oh wells. life for them seems good now. i wonder if mine is as well. oh wells. should be doing my geog proj now. bye people. next time yeah. and this post is for jo!! hee.

the rules:
-the tagged victims list 8 different points of their perfect lover/partner, mentioning the gender of said partner.
-tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment on the post letting them know they have been tagged. if tagged before, no need to contribute.

my perfect (male) lover:
1. preferably named andrew. ((:
2. love me, not matter how little it might be. love me.
3. be my shoulder of comfort whenever i need it.
4. gayish-cute?
5. i don't know what else to write about.
6. i don't know what else to write about.
7. i don't know what else to write about.
8. i guess loving me is the most important criteria. as long as he loves me or had loved me, everything else about him is perfect, even if it meant deep hurt/pain.

yups. that's about it. sounds so cheating eh. hee. okay those who i am going to tag. check it out.
1. felicia
2. joanne
3. grace
4. michelle
5. ningdie
6. nexa
7. nana
8. ken

okays. hee.

haha. blogging now is weird. i'm like doing my econs essay in front of the computer now. waiting for the correction fluid to dry. haha. so i decided to do this. haha. so weird. haha.

today's a rather fun day. haha. slack a lot lah. and mugged a lot too. went to the library to look for resources for my geog essays. brought home a huge and thick geog book lah. so proud of myself. haha. maths was funny, cos jr, sp and keynes were sitting behide us. haha. jr and sp saw me checking my phone and managed to see a lot of messages from dearest in my inbox lah. haha. jr decided it was funny and went on chanting dearest. haha. actually, it's quite funny. haha. then after lesson ended, i checked my phone again and replied dearest lah. then jr saw it again, by accident, or so he claims. haha. then i wrote,'love you dear, love you.' hahahhahaha. jr was like,'love you love you love you.' then i looked back at him, then he said,'sorry, it was an accident. bu xiao xin kan dao de.' haha. so funny lah that guy. i can't stand him. i bet he thinks dearest is my boyfriend. oh wells. he can go on thinking that way. haha.

and ragu said some stuff about me today so i was like acting hurt then he said,'don't be like that. i really like you.' he meant he didn't say those to hurt me but you know, natural reaction so i replied him,'i'm les okay. remember that.' ahaahhahaa. so funny lah. can't stand it. anyway, he thinks i'm either les or bi. haha. cos i have so many dearest and darlings. okay. maybe he knows i have a darling. ahaha. so funny lah. i can't stand it. hahahaa.

so 79 thinks i'm bi. ragu thinks i'm either les or bi. and jr, sp thinks i have a boyfriend. haha. i seem to be having a complicated sexual orientation eh. hahahahaahahhaa. okay. i'll declare here openly,'I AM STRAIGHT!' okay. at least for now. hahahahaa.

okays. time to go back to econs. oh nos. hahaaha.
i've been thinking. thinking about breathing. isn't it awesome cos we breathe without knowing? everytime i think about it, i have the tendacy(i can't spell) to stop breathing or breathe really hard, harder than normal. weird right? now, i don't think i am breathing. oh wells. one day, what if we really really stop breathing? how will it be like? no more feelings? cos we will be dead and our brains won't send signals of emotions anymore? maybe. maybe. if only someone can describe that feeling. then again, if someone is able to do that, all of us will be so freaked out. so freaked out. oh wells.
i'm in a really poetic mood today. really lyricsy. but i can't decide which one to put down. so i don't think i'm putting any. lazy to find also. haha. anyways. my mood's kinda weird now. neither here nor there. oh wells.

don't know how i should be feeling. how should i be feeling? happy sad down or exhilarated? oh wells. freak. back to my songs.
do you call this fate? or just pure thinking on my part. it's that very moment. all i did was to lift up my head and look out. and..you walked by. just like that. no matter how far away, i seem to be able to recognise you. your side view, back view, top view, whatever view. and..it skipped. skipped a beat. like. no no no. no way. you're outta my life. out! just stay out! stop appearing everywhere i go. give my the courage to give up totally on you, and the only way out is to stop seeing you. is it that difficult? is it? i guess, it is. oh wells. i'll try. and try. and try. and try till i fall, i bleed. but i will. take my word for that.

Grab a piece of paper and do this
Personality test:

qn1: You walk into a forest, what is the first animal u see
Qn2: u walk further into the forest. What is the second animal u see
qn3: u see a hut in the forest. Do u a: Walk past & not go in. B: Knock then go in C: barge in
qn4: imagine ur inside the hut. There is a table. Is it square or round.
qn5: HOw many chairs do u see around the table
Qn6: on the table there is a jug. What material is it made of
Qn7: how full is the jug
Qn8: u leave the hut. Outside the hut u see 20 candles. How many do u light?
qn9: U walk away from the hut and see a waterfall. On a scale of 1-10, how powerful is it?
***************************************************
Qn1: That is who u are
Qn2: That is what u want ur partner to be
Qn3: A: u are not ready for a relationship
B: U are ready
C: u are despo
Qn4: Square = U are inflexible
Round= u r adaptable
qn5: chairs = number of close friends u have
qn6: that's the material ur heart is made of
Qn7: That's how much love u r willing to give ur partner
qn8: that's how generous u are
Qn9: that's ur sex drive.
**************************************************
I got bear, bird, A, round, 0, plastic, empty, none, 5
**************************************************
kinda sad ain't it. kinda proven the point about the fact that i am empty and do not love. okays. do not put my whole heart into each relationship. actually, i just do not love. full stop.
**************************************************
dearest smsed me this just now. really nice even though it's lyrics and she didn't really write it.

i'll go on without you,
like a fool who's too sure.
i'm like a bird who's lost her wings,
a fire without its flame.
i don't know how to be strong,
when my dance have to go on.
i'm like a song without a soul,
now that you're gone,
what's left of us is this sms...

rocks right? hee.
************************************************
just resumed my post as a fairygod mother. ever since i don't know when, i forgot totally that i'm her fairygod mother. today, i remembered. and i will remember, for she needs me, she needs me. i believe. she needs me.
reading cleo now. hee. they've got the 50 bachelor thingy again. hee. up till now, i only like certify one hot and cute guy. man. haha. he is really cute. and has such intense eyes that i can immerse in. haha. sounds wrong. haha. anyway, i love his eyes. woo baby. haha.

ohs. and they have a question asking which do they prefer? bimbo or bitch? their answers are so similiar. those who chose bimbo cos they don't want something who argues too much and something like that. those who chose bitch thinks that bitches are intelligent. i think so. seriously, i prefer bitches so much more. haha. am i a bitch or bimbo? hmm. i say i'm a little of both. but hey, i like being a bitch better. i just can't help but bitch la. haha. and the guys stereotype bimbos as those who like have no say and their own views la. like whatever. bimbos do think and are intelligent also kays. just that it's in a different. oh wells. females just rock. full stop.
((:
lonely.
empty.
confused.
sick of this facade.
but i am confused, if it's really a facade.

i want to express my feelings with words.
but i can't.
i'm not good with my words.
seriously, i am so jealous of you because you can, i can't.
how did you find words?
where did you find them?
tell me?

i don't put my whole heart into each relationship.
i wonder if i ever put it in.
this is all a facade.
and i am confused.
i am a confused person.
very confused.
ah!! guess who is the first hot man on my hot guys list?! guess guess. haha. who else but....
MR TOM CRUISE!!
haha. he is so hot. haha. sorry lah. i just watched 'The Last Samurai" yesterday. haha. i always think he's hot. haha. know when was the first time i thought he was hot? it was when we went to watched "Minority Report". it was by chance lah. cos we were supposed to watch "The Eye" but clau didn't like dare to watch it and there's no more tickets to that show so we decided on it. haha. good thing man. it's like the best thing that has happened lah. then i found "Jerry Meguire" (sorry lah, i can't spell. should be correct la. hee.) at home and guess who's the lead actor? haha. yes! tom! woohoo. haha. he is so hot. yayers. haha. okay okay. i am like really mad now. haha. my hot man. hahaa.
and guess who is no. 2? hahaa. yes jo. i hear you. it's ROBBIE. woohoo. hot hot hot. sexy sexy sexy. haha.
then i was just thinking who no. 3 is . then guess who came to my mind? haha. ANDREW! haha. but it's just a name eh. oh wells. nevermind. i happy can liao. haha.
okay okay. end about my hot guys. haha. i am like so in love with tom again. haha. okay okay.
i just realised when i blog i don't blog only once. but a few times. haha. funny ah me. like, this. haha. point proven. oh wells. haha. weird la me. i am like always so weird. oh wells. ((:
oh wells. was looking st some photos in frienster. i missed 79. i felt tears coming to my eyes when i saw it. freak. it's flu right? like it's been so tearful since friday. ugh. oh wells. love you guys. don't leave me okay. don't.
well well well. i have so much to say. haha. i feel so preachy/naggy today. haha. i like just typed a whole essay about SA to my darling junior. haha. like promoting a product. haha. i feel so proud of myself. okay okay.

happy valentine's day to all you people. my darling(s), dearest, girlfriend(s) and dar. hee. i love you guys.

and the outing to sentosa yesterday was okay. haha. i did like 2 things that exceeded my limit. haha. that's success. haha. i managed to jump down a rock la. freaky can. haha. marco offered to carry my down but i like so don't trust him. he is so skinny even though he has like almost 6 pecs. haha. like as usual, i screamed my way down and landed on my butt, and sat there laughing non-stop. haha. so me. then i played the luge. another freaky thing. like going up on the chairlift is okay. but coming down. eee. i was so scared la. then the workers there have to make fun of my timidness and scare me some more. idiots. haha. i think i am weird. okay. or so nic rach and hil thinks. it's like i'm not afraid of the chairlift but am damn afraid of the luge. they were like petrified on the chairlift, with their legs hanging in the air. they like so don't dare to look down la. and i really enjoyed that process. maybe i am really weird huh. like i told them, i'm not afraid of stuff that i can't control but i am when i can control it. like having to control the luge and jumping down that rock. hmm. i am weird huh? okay, different and strange. haha.

went shopping with mum sis and bro-in-law. freak. i so want that gucci wallet. i have to make my sis bring me there again man. ugh. haha. i like going to those shops la. so shiok. like i am really rich and can afford them. man. i am so gonna make a lot of money and buy lots of gucci bags. haha. aim in life. haha. funny la me.

i decided my son better be a left hander. have i ever told you guys that i think left handers are really sexy? i love to see them write so much. like so so much. that's why i really like nic and carol. they are left handers. haha. i think i sound so perverted. hee. and my son better hold his chopsticks properly. like i saw this grown up man who holds his chopsticks like a kid. yucks. haha. and there is something else my son should be but i can't remember. i'll try remembering then blogging okay. and i am not sure if i want my son to go through the whole SA thingy. cos clayton was saying that being in SA from kindergarten till almost JC is like no life. that's why he wants to go to poly. like seeing the same people for the past 12 years of his life is enough. that kinda make sense huh. maybe i'll send my son to a mix primary school instead. say NY? hmm. i'll think about it.

what else? oh. i was like one of the two JOnes yesterday la. haha. me and another CHIJ girl. haha. i think it's quite comical. she very poor thing la. at least i stood in the 79 line for assembly. she can only stay in the fitness corner. and she's very obvious. unlike me. heng ah. i left school at like 8 la. ms suzie escorted me out. haha. so funny. she kept like apologizing. haha. well. i roamed around harbour front since like 8.20 la. till 10. then i went to sit at the mrt station, listening to my mp3, looking at people come and go till nic and clara arrived at 11.05. haha. this is bad. cos while roaming, i roamed into watsons and bought a lipstick. freak. that's like 15.90. waste money can. ugh. oh wells. it's over. sigh. haha.

what else? hmm. it's v-day. got presents? roses? sweets? candles? i know grace got balloons. unfair!! haha. i got lots of sms. haha. is that good enough? haha. well. i didn't go to school ma. what to expect. only had tv and shopping. haha. and a blocked nose. ah. i can't really breathe la. and my voice sucks. getting a cough too. freak. dearest have a fever. all us sick cats. even those who went to sentosa were sick la. ugh. too much of rain and water and wind these few days. ahh. oh no. i like so dont like being sick. let's hope i won't have a sore throat. i hate those, now i can't even type properly. i keep on having typo errors. ugh. i so hate it. and my computer has to react so slowly somemore. so i won't know of my errors till like later. ugh. oh freak. okay okay. i should end off here. to prevent more pek chek-ness. haha. bye bye. love love love.
oh crap. i feel like shit.
back to those days of downloading music. shit.
i feel so bad. ugh.
i should save and buy albums instead eh.
okay. will buy leehom's album.
cos i downloaded 2 of his songs today. freak.
oh wells. freak. i'm not freaking out as much as i am just now.
i should learn how to not freak out unnecessarily. freak. i can't spell.
okay okay. breathe in breathe out.

and i do think too much. just received the pictures from eliza. man. i miss A6 already. like..so weird. we are still gonna stay together for the next 2 weeks. freak. i just have to go through so many of these ah. ogs. classes. schools. blah blah blah. freak it. i should like really try and go get some sleep now. after wasging my face. it's getting oily. freak. i wish i can stop freaking. but i can't. freak. and my computer is so slow. my typing only shows like a few second later. oh freak. ah. when are we getting a new one? ah. i am so pissed off with the bloody computer now. ugh.
i've been hearing this song quite frequently these days. i really love it.

Boyzone - Love Me For A Reason

Girl when you hold me
How you control me
You bend and you fold me
Any way you please

It must be easy for you
To love the things that you do
But just a pastime for you
I could never be

And I never know, girl
If I should stay or go
Cos the games that you play
Are driving me away

Don't love me for fun, girl
Let me be the one, girl
Love me for a reason
Let the reason be love
Don't love me for fun, girl
Let me be the one, girl
Love me for a reason
Let the reason be love

Kisses and caresses
Are only minor tests, babe
Of love turned to stresses
Between a woman and a man
So if love everlasting
Isn't what you're asking
I'll have to pass, girl
I'm proud to take a stand

I can't continue guessing
Because it's only messing
With my pride, and my mind
So write down this time to time

Don't love me for fun, girl
Let me be the one, girl
Love me for a reason
Let the reason be love
Don't love me for fun, girl
Let me be the one, girl
Love me for a reason
Let the reason be love

I'm just a little old-fashioned
It takes more than a physical attraction
My initial reaction i
sHoney give me a love
Not a fascimile of

Don't love me for fun, girl
Let me be the one, gir
lLove me for a reason
Let the reason be love
Don't love me for fun, girl
Let me be the one, girl
Love me for a reason
Let the reason be love
(till fade)
thursday is rainbow day. i saw it with girlfriend that day around 6+ at dohby ghuat. grace saw it around 7 at pj. my classmate saw it too, not sure where it was and when though. i think it's so cool. maybe it's the same one? hmm. (: i thought it might be a good sign. apparently not, in the case of my girlfriend.

well, my girlfriend didn't do as well for o's as we expected. she's really disappointed and cried really badly. sigh. girl, you know i love you yeah. maybe we can still go out on v-day.

went back to polka dots on friday. my gosh. the school compound suck now, totally. they repainted it. now the colours are like shit. yellow and pastel colours. freak. even the doors are being repainted. i kinda regret not taking photos of the compound in the past. guess we didn't expect it to change colours. freak. i am like so not going to go back anymore. oh wells. was really emotional when i entered the hall. everyone was like screaming and crying. i cried too. for don't know what reasons. think i am really emotional. haha. i didn't remember myself crying when i received my results la. i did for chinese o's though. yups.

i think i am really mad. too emotional. my heart was actually thumping really fast on friday. the whole day. like i'm about to receive my results. i didn't even felt that way last year. man. i am a goner. freak.

oh wells. the only good thing that happened on friday is the fact that i went out with dearest. shopped with her for earrings. haha. she spent quite a bit on those, okay her mom. haha. oh wells. i love you so.

i don't know what else i can talk about. just hope that everyone's results weren't too bad. i think i'll find out tomorrow. class outing to sentosa. yayers. but i have to go to school in the morning. shit. hope suzie lets me off really early, like 10. cos i am the only one in j1 tomorrow. okay. most prob, but the chances are like 99.99%? freak. stupid suzie. why she ask me go back? she should have checked it out for me. ask me to go back, in case. freak. jj's ct told him no need to la. ah. shit. i'm freaking out. like, the only j1? freak. and i'm a retainee. ah. my fellow retainees won't come to school lo. i know them so freaking well. and my classmates too. okay. any sane persone in j1. freak. i feel like a freak. shit. hope i survive. ahh!! now my heart's thumping really fast. freak. freak. freak. what the fuck! shit.
WE BELONG TOGETHER

I didn`t mean it when I said
I didn`t love you so
I should have held on tight
I never should have let you go
I didn`t know nothing,
I was stupid, I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I couldn`t have fathomed
I would ever be without your love
Never imagined I`d be sitting
Here beside myself
Guess I didn`t know you
Guess I didn`t know me
But I thought I knew everything I never felt

When you left I lost a part of me
It`s still so hard to believe
Come back baby please cause
We belong together
i love you

Yesterday you asked me something
I thought you knew
So i told you with a smile
Its all about you
Then you whispered in my ear
And you told me too
Said you make my life worthwhile
Its all about you

And i would answer all your wishes
If you ask me to
But if you deny me one of your kisses
Don't know what I'd do
So hold me close
And say three words like you used to
Dancing on the kitchen tiles
Its all about you.
I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
'Cuz I know I won't forget you

Together we broke all the rules
Dreaming of dropping out of school
And leave this place
to never come back

So now maybe after all these years
If you miss me have no fear
I'll be here
I'll be waiting

♥8:45 PM

lalala. lalala. lalala. lalala.
hee. i love gossip. i love to gossip. gossip is what makes me high. haha. was so called gossiping with charmaine, eileen and jasimah in class today. haha. about what? what else? hot guys. haha. andrew is hot. haha. okay okay. jo, stop drooling. haha.

saw 17 today. ugh. he sucks can. ugh. like ugh. what a flirt. man. i must be blind, so blind. haha.

ohpss. movie date with dearest tomorrow. yayers. i love you so much.

reynard's off to dubai in about 2+ hrs. and i'm now at home blogging. damn. i so want to send him off and see him one last time cos we won't know when will be the next time we meet again. reynard. he's on his way to airport now. sigh. i miss you. you know i do right? shit. this isn't working. he won't be seeing this entry, this blog. ugh. sigh.

anything else? hmm. oh. my bad habit of changing blogskin is coming back. haha. expect a new skin yeah? or even, maybe by the time you read this, it's a different skin already. haha. i work fast you know. hee.

okay okay. skin surfing now. next time.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006 ♥6:44 PM

well well well. was just thinking about hot guys. then i came up with a few things.
firstly, i think robbie williams is hot. sexy. delicious.
secondly, hot guys are easier to find than cute guys.
thirdly, guys with the following names are mostly hot:
- daniel
- andrew
- joel
- shawn
- and there's supposed to be another name but i forgot. will write when my memory decides to return.

oh. and i think the name andrew is really sexy. ya. hee. and i am going to name my son andrew and send him to study in sav. =D he will learn to play the piano and will join rugby. cos guys who can play the piano are so charming and ruggers are hot. haha. better still, the father should come from sa too. then we can form a sa family. haha. i won't mind if he's called andrew. my son can be andrew jr. haha.
then my daughter shall go to the st margs family learn some chinese instrument like er hu. then she'll also learn salsa cos it's so hot. maybe join dance in school huh. yups yup. hee.

okay okay. andrew is so hot. haha. i'm like so in love with the name.